In 2019, after I graduated, I went to temples in Toronto alone deeply hurt by how my friends and classmates treated me with their badmouthing, bullying and exorcising. I did nothing to invite these treatments. The only thing I could think about is the fact I graduated with distinction which invited absolute jealousy, resentment and hatred. I overheard them talking about it during my graduation ceremony. It was quite insane how they were these types of people. I asked one of the god statues at one of the temples, what’s my career? It gives me a divinations calling me slutty. I was enraged. What superstition is this! I left the temples in a rage. And I went to several more of them insisting god / statues / spirits talked to me with respect which I meant to get the temple divinations that I deserved. I’m not a slut! What the hell. How can they judge me like this? Is it not okay to ask career questions? Then I thought about it over a long period of time of which I was made homeless, having zero money and friends. In traditional values Chinese women usually or any women either have a career in a men’s world or they go back to their family life getting married and raising children. And having a viable career breaking glass ceilings or cliffs (the New York Times ) seems to mean there is no way one can have a family. Is that system of divination all revolve around the values like this? Or maybe I’m thinking too much giving too much agency to the statues of the temples. Am I just scared that I cannot find a job without being in a relationship?or there are other people who are scared. It’s completely valid. I was also at the point having a no fault divorce with my ex husband, about to live alone and figure out my life. Do they know that? Am I famous? Etc.
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