I talked to simu. He seemed changed. What alarmed me was how he changed our conversation to disappearing mode. I blocked him and archived the chat log right after. I remembered showing him my videos. He said nothing about them. Then I knew something was up. Is there something wrong with my videos? I only made them because I was bored. He started to talk about friendship and reciprocation. I found that disturbing. Is he okay? Does he have disease like I do? Why is he so random? Is there something he sees that I don’t see? It’s like this is apartheid and I’m the only white girl out there. Should I feel sorry about reading that book white girls? And become, continue to become and becoming? The only reason I’m like this is because I want a life out of China. How oppressive that gonna be. Everybody loves China. Even Taylor Swift does. And all the other women. They just seem really love each other, that’s all. Etc.