Being happy is hard. Sometimes unhappiness finds me in a corner. I have to adjust myself. I’m obsessed with these tarot card designs. They are all really creative. I like playing cards too. Before when I was applying for Skowhegan residency, I bought their tarot cards as well. It was costly. They have to ship it from Maine. Then I lost it during the pandemic. Alex Banman used to buy me this tarot deck from Britain. It’s really beautiful too. I lost that as well. I remember shuffling it on the subway, on TTC in the dead of winter living alone at that apartment. I never said he couldn’t stay there. All I wanted was an explanation and apology. How cruel has he treated me. He just pushed and pushed because I said I didn’t like communist China and liberal party. He ran away in a dramatic fashion. He came back even crueler having me keep staying in that abandoned apartment and never even for a moment offered condolences to our failed relationship. So unkind and shocking that he was. I wonder why he talked to me and replied my emails. I missed my tarot cards. It was all I got. Imageries of beautiful figures and scenery. Etc.